That's Plan B?

A few weeks ago, I was pursuing Christian schools pretty heavily. One particular school had really caught my attention and I was seriously considering how we could send our children there next year. Well I was at least leaving it as an option.

I spoke with my husband about my thoughts and he said he really didn't know how we could afford to do that. My response was "well then what are we going to do?" He proceeded to tell me quite firmly that he really thought I needed to quit. Not firmly in a mean way, but in an assured way. His confidence about the matter kind of struck me.

Me being a planner of sorts (long term planning, not day to day) wanted options. Well if that doesn't work out, then what is Plan B. He said Plan B is status quo, we do what we're doing now... au pair for child care, kids in public school, etc. Hmph, that wasn't a good plan B to me. I feel like change is necessary, but with the cost of Christian education, the options surely were limited.

We talked some more about the situation and he pretty much said he is SURE this is the route we are supposed to take -- me quitting. God has been moving SO much in our lives and speaking through other people that it can't be leading up to staying status quo. I agreed, but my question comes down to one of timing. I don't doubt that I will quit and be home with my children, but the bigger question is WHEN??

I thought for a while about what he said. I asked him if he was willing to do whatever it takes to make up the extra money we would need. He said yes.

The things we talked about had my mind reeling for days. Biblically the man is the leader and head of the household, so it wouldn't surprise me that God could give him a clear peace and "knowing" about this situation. However, I was still struggling with the idea. The fact is I WANT TO STAY HOME. I want to stay home a LOT! Therefore, I feel like that may be clouding my vision.

I remember when I was single, I had a crush on this guy in my bible study (not my husband). At one point, I felt sure that God had told me I would marry him. Well as the months passed the crush faded and obviously I didn't marry him. I was so blinded by infatuation that I really had no idea what God was speaking, and if He was speaking at all in that situation.

I'm kind of afraid of the same thing here. Therefore, I've kind of been on this roller coaster. One day I think we'll be able to do it and the next I'm considering working forever.

I pray for greater clarity and wisdom. I want God's will most of all!